A matter of critical national importance is legislation providing for apples to be called oranges. This issue goes to the very heart of citric equality. The question can only be properly determined by a national plebiscite. And anyone who suggests that some apples will be juiced in this process is just a scaremongering bigot and dictatorial autocrat. Cider is simply alcoholic juice after all.
And the question that should go to the people in the plebiscite:
“How do you like them apples?”